


Time flies (as do memories)

by Grimdarkmuppet



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Childhood Memories, Drowning, Existential Angst, Existentialism, Flashbacks, Freeform, Gen, Ghost Wilbur Soot, Light Angst, Memory Loss, Not Beta Read, POV First Person, POV Second Person, Panic Attacks, Purgatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:33:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27874630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grimdarkmuppet/pseuds/Grimdarkmuppet
Summary: Time works differently here you think. Then again you're not even sure where "here" is necessarily. You know you're somewhere - you know you exist, but you can't see your own hands despite how close they are to your face. Do you even have hands? A body? Who even are you? It's so dark and bright, how is that even possible? It's so blindingly white and mind numbingly black all at once, the void spreads so far and wraps so delicately around your thoughts, it merges with your memories and your hearing and smudges the good, the bad, the outright ugly.It's so loud.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	Time flies (as do memories)

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to replicate the homestuck style because hyperfixations go brrr.
> 
> This is my own take on things, I'm aware some things were not said. Starts off kinda existential so sorry about that lol. 
> 
> There's not actual drowning but descriptions similar to it so i tagged it just in case! If there's any more tags I should add please let me know!

Your name is….

Well actually you don't really know what your name is, only that you very much are somewhere you can't truly comprehend.

Time works differently here you think. Then again you're not even sure where "here" is necessarily. You know you're somewhere - you know you exist, but you can't see your own hands despite how close they are to your face. Do you even have hands? A body? Who even are you? It's so dark and bright, how is that even possible? It's so blindingly white and mind numbingly black all at once, the void spreads so far and wraps so delicately around your thoughts, it merges with your memories and your hearing and smudges the good, the bad, the outright ugly.

It's so loud.

It's so quiet.

Everything is too much and not enough.

You scream as loud as you can, and yet you hear nothing. Your throat feels raw and tense. You choke on a sob and bubbles of white and black float in front of you. Your chest feels tight - like you're being crushed under a house, your lungs burn and seer and you can't breathe oh god you can't fucking breathe. You feel tears welling in your eyes as you claw desperately at yourself - your ribs, your throat, your face, anything you can reach. You're drowning on the endless abyss, fully engulfing you. Your throat feels full with something, something, heavy and thick and bitter and oh god you can't breathe. 

More bubbles erupt from your mouth, you reach out to grab one and you still don't see your fucking hands and you still can't fucking breathe. 

You feel the world warp - literally.

You feel the void suction to you, twisting and folding like a piece of fabric. It folds so beautifully and lays heavy on your skin as it bends and breaks your mind and soul. You feel your body start to twist and stretch and pull. you hiss in pain and there's more goddamn bubbles.

This time they fold and fall to you as well, your vision warps until the world - or lack thereof swirls. You feel nauseous as you plummet and soar all at once, swirling and folding and blending and-

You're thrust backwards, harder than you've ever truly felt.

You gasp and your hands come up to shield your eyes from the blinding sun and oh my god you can see your hands! 

You smile in awe and stretch your arms out in front of you, flexing your fingers and cheering silently. You can breathe again thank god but there's a dull ache in your torso, barely there yet excruciating all at once. 

Your eyes adjust to the scene in front of you as the reality of what you're looking at sets in.

That's … that's you.

That's your Dad!

That's your Dad with a sword buried deep in your chest…

Suddenly the pain in your torso makes sense.

He sobs as he clutches your lifeless body and without thinking you turn and run. 

You realize very quickly that you are not in fact touching the ground but actually hovering very fucking far away from the earth over a giant fucking crater in the ground. You don't have time to process that as you throw yourself forward away from the reality of the situation. 

Let's try this again. Your name is Wilbur Soot and apparently you're fucking dead. You just spent who knows how long in the armpit of reality only to stubble directly onto your own goddamn corpse being murdered by the man you thought you could trust more than anyone. 

But we're not thinking about that! Right, Right! We are strictly not thinking about that. In fact you're doing such a good fucking job at not thinking about that that you don't even remember what it was you were trying NOT to think about! In fact you were thinking of…

Of…

You come to an abrupt stop midair as it dawns on you.

You don't remember anything.

You wrack your brain, searching desperately for any remains of your life, any shreds of your identity left behind.

You come up empty handed, all you know is your name… and…

And your Dad! Of course! You smack your forehead but your head goes straight through yourself, the momentum making you fall backwards and hang upside down for a second before you collect your thoughts, slowly pulling your arm out of your face cringing the whole way. Wow. That's uncomfortable. You can now add feeling like playdough smashed together by a 4 year old and hastily pulled apart to your list of things you wish you didn't experience! Yay!

You figure out how to straighten out your body, pulling yourself upright with a huff. Jesus, ghost movies make that look so easy, that felt like a sit up! You didn't sign up to exercise when you died. What were you thinking about?

Oh right. Your Dad.

You can't remember anything, but you remembered your Dad. Presumably because you saw him? Maybe if you saw more things that you've encountered you can remember again!

But that would mean going back… back to your body…

You shiver in discomfort, rolling your shoulders back and turning your nose up. You just gotta suck it up, you want your memories back and you're gonna get them! You'll just stay as far away from your own bloody corpse as much as you can! That quite literally can't be so hard.

You turn around and make your trek back to…

Your mind tells you the place had a name, it's on the tip of your tongue and it feels important but you can't find the answer. You huff in annoyance and fly a little faster. 

After what feels like forever you spot a building in the distance, a couple actually, and you race forwards, making your descent on what looks like a small makeshift town already built over the large crater you just left. Wow, they work fast! Almost like time sped up while you were gone.

You wonder why your mind supplied you with 'they' for a second when you know for a fact

only one person was around before you hear rather than see people.

Someone's yelling very loudly followed by the laughter and loud taunting of others, okay to be fair, maybe you were in too much shock to notice other people…

You follow the commotion and stop in your tracks at what you see.

It's your Dad and Brother - Tommy surrounded by a couple other people you don't recognize. They're standing in front of a half build house, Tommy yelling at your Dad - Philza and some fox guy who is laughing and poking him. There's some guy with a beanie chuckling as he leans on a more stable wall, and another dude sitting on the ground by his feet smiling brightly and looking up at them, occasionally throwing his input at them and tossing his head back in laughter when Tommy squawks in offense.

The beanie guy's eyes meet yours and he stops laughing. His whole body tenses as his eyes fill with shock and horror. His foot juts out to nudge the boy sitting at his feet, who shouts a "hey!" In protest before falling silent as he catches sight of you, jaw dropping in awe.

The others soon realize somethings wrong - the laughter having died out so abruptly. they look around, quickly understanding.

"Wilbur?" Tommy breathes out, barely audible and heavy with something you can't quite place.

You smile and wave.

"Hi!" Your voice cracks awfully, in a way you haven't experienced since you were a teenager for crying out loud, your smile kinda falters for a second in embarrassment before quickly returning. 

Everyone's looking at you like… well like you're a ghost. Which makes sense, because you definitely are, you think. 

Rage quickly fills Tommy's gaze, his face scrunching up as he pushes past the fox boy and your Dad, marching up to you.

"What the fuck are you doing here?! How are you even here?! You can't just come back after what you did! After so long!" He spits, his hands flailing every which way as he talks. 

Your smile drops and you glance behind him at everyone else, quickly looking back at him.

"What did I do?" You ask, Concern lacing your words. You sound so small it almost makes you cringe.

You see Tommy's face falter as he steps back.

"What?" He asks, confusion and barely concealed rage visible in his eyes. 

"Did I do something bad?" You hope your words come across as genuine, you have no idea what happened here and you really don't wanna make them think you're mocking them.

Your Dad's hand rests on Tommy's shoulder, pulling him back a little. Tommy deflates, stepping back. Philza smiles at you, it's slightly stiff but otherwise warm, his eyes are kind and cautious as he opens his arms.

Your vision flashes for a beat, remembering his arms wrapped around your lifeless body before returning to normal. You smile shakily and fling yourself at him. You grasp tightly onto him, you're shaking like a leaf as you feel him hug you back just as tightly. Oh! Oh you're actually touching him! He's not phasing through you! You didn't realize how much you needed a hug until just now.

You feel his arms loosen a bit and you step back, fidgeting slightly as you glance over his shoulder.

"Who are they?" You whisper, sounding guilty for not knowing. 

Philza's face flashes in confusion before landing on sympathy, he smiles and turns around, reaching out and grabbing your shoulder, quickly moving you towards the group. 

You swear your stomach just falls straight out of your ass, you haven't felt this anxious about something in, well, you can't exactly remember but the point still stands! These people apparently know you and you should know them, and apparently you've done something very bad that they all know and you don't! Are you sweating? Can ghosts even sweat? You're definitely sweating right now, at the very least in a vibe kind of way. 

Your mind very kindly supplies you with a new memory

_"I'm afraid we are going to have to suspend Wilbur and [REDACTED], Sir. They are good kids, but they've gone too far this time"_

_You grumble, kicking at the bump in the rug. Beside you sits [REDACTED], they're broken glasses clenched tightly in their small fist, their other hand picking at an open wound they most definitely shouldn't be picking at. Your wrist is cradled to your chest, it's most likely sprained. you're both covered in mud, dirt, and a little blood. You rub your face on your shoulder, wiping the stray tears from your face as you huddle close to [REDACTED] for comfort. Anxiety rests heavily on your chest as you try your best to rein in your breathing, [REDACTED] counts beside you, shakey yet calm for you to breathe along too._

_"I understand" you hear your Dad's voice say, it's tense and bitter, almost like he's clenching his teeth._

_"the family has decided to not press charges at this moment on account of them being so young, I recommend you get them serious physiological help"_

_Your breathing picks up again._

_"Of course. Thank you." another tense reply._

_Your Dad hurriedly walks to you two, squatting down to meet your eyes. You haven't seen him look this serious in awhile._

_"Are you okay" he asks, gentle and caring. You slowly start to catch your breath again._

_"Yeah" you barely hear your own answer. You feel [REDACTED] nod slowly beside you. Philza quickly helps you two up and ushers you outside as fast as possible. you are definitely not okay. The further away you get the more you can't breathe._

"Wil?" Philza asks, looking at you in concern.

You didn't realize you zoned out, you blink slowly, adjusting to your sudden change in surroundings. 

"Sorry! I just remembered something" ah, the squeaky voice again. Wonderful.

You smile at him in what you hope is reassuring and he hesitantly returns it, concern still on his face.

"I was saying-" he says slowly, turning to the group that they were now apparently right in front of "that Wilbur doesn't remember anything" Philza said, each word felt like a warning, for what, he wasn't sure yet.

You give an anxious smile, ashamed of the amnesia you couldn't even control.

"Wil, this is Tubbo" The Tubbo kid had messy brown hair and wore a hastily buttoned baggy shirt, he Smiled brightly and waved at you, quickly saying "Hello!" Before your Dad moved on.

"This is Quackity" Quackity looked stiff, and awkward, like he was holding back words. He wore a beanie that covered most of his hair, some of it peeking out the side and a blue sweater. He couldn't meet your eyes when he said hi.

"This is Tommy-" 

"I remember Tommy!" You interrupted, smiling brightly like you got the answer right to a piece of trivia. Philza smiled back at you.

Tommy's gaze looked tense, you couldn't make out anything other than that. Was he angry with you? Of course he was. You'd done something idiot.

He looked different from how you remember him. He looked grown up, tired and worn down by life, he had scars lining his arms, a couple on his face and one big one on this neck going up onto his jaw. You definitely don't remember that. Your heart pangs at the thought of him getting hurt, but Dad's already moving on. 

"And this is Fundy…" he trails off, making eye contact with fundy. They seem to be having an unspoken conversation.

Fundy's arms are crossed tightly over his chest, he's a fox from what you can tell. His ears tilt down a little and to the side, they twitch a bit, almost like he's trying to stop them from falling all the way flat. He wears some kind of weird hat on his head and a black jacket.

he snarls a little at Philza before looking at you, his expression stone, a tiny hit of hurt flashes past his eyes before it vanishes. Maybe you imagined it.

"...Your son" Philza continues.

You stiffen up, face morphing into shock for what you can only assume is the billionth time today.

You look at your Dad, then back to you Son, then back to your Dad, then to your Son, Dad, Son, Dad, Son, Dad-

Okay that's enough of that actually.

"I have a son?!" You gawk at Philza, who looks down at you in what can only be described as incredulous. 

"Yes Wilbur, you have a son" he says, looking back at Fundy in concern.

Oh. Right, that's probably hurtful now that you think about it. It's different to be told your Father doesn't remember anything versus hearing he doesn't remember having you.

You look at Fundy - your Son.

"You're my Son?" You ask, floating forward.

Fundy shifts awkwardly, his eyes flicker to the side quickly like he's fighting the urge to bolt "yeah" he says, his voice breaking a little.

You smile "Can I hug you?"

He stiffens a bit, looking behind you at Philza before back to you, nodding slowly. 

You try and hide your enthusiasm as you wrap him in a hug, pulling him into your chest. you definitely fail of course, you've always wanted a Son. You should tell him that much.

"I've always wanted a Son" you do just that.

Fundy's arms slowly come up and awkwardly hug you, patting you on the back a bit. 

"Yeah?" His voice sounds small, fragile, like the smallest thing could break it.

You grab his shoulders and hold him at arms length, smiling brightly "more than anything" you say cheerfully. You mean it.

Fundy looks at you in awe, the corners of his lips tugging up slightly.

You don't know what you did to invoke a reaction like this, but you don't know if you wanna know. You are starting to have a nagging feeling you weren't a good person. Your heart drops as you realize this and you quickly push back and fly up high in the air, looking around.

"So where are we?" You ask with false cheer. you cringe. Okay dial it back a bit, that was a bit too obvious.

Everyone shares a look before meeting your gaze again.

"L'manburg" Tubbo says.

Your vision warps again.

_"YEAH!" Tommy yelled in triumph, cackling loudly as he chased Tubbo who yelled his protests between fits of giggles._

_"Be careful-" you yelled out in vain as Tommy flung himself at Tubbo, tackling the kid into the grass as they tumbled down the hill, yelling and bickering the whole way down before coming to a stop in front of you sitting on the grass._

_"That was your fault" Tommy said, sitting up and wiping the grass from his jeans._

_Tubbo gasped "it literally was not!" He sat up and shoved Tommy_

_"Look! The sun's setting" you say quickly before they can start fighting again. You point over the cliff to where the sun is making its descent._

_They both go quiet as they watch. Mission accomplished._

_You lean back on your hands as you watch, the fireflies start to come out of hiding, flying around and blinking their morse code. Not actually of course, you don't think at least… you don't actually know morse code so you couldn't actually say, but it's a nice thought._

_"The first sunset on the free nation of L'manburg" you say, breathless and full of joy._

_It's beautiful._

_It's peaceful._

_That is until you hear Tommy yelp in pain of course._

_"Oh you're such a bitch-" he starts, leaping at Tubbo who cackles and quickly gets up, running away._

_You let out an exasperated sigh. Well, it WAS peaceful._

You blink away the scenery, joining everyone else in reality once again. You don't know how or when you came down, but you're no longer in the sky. 

"Oh" you say dumbly "it looks different" you add, just as intelligent.

Tommy lets out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a scoff "no thanks to someone." 

Ah sarcasm, your dearest, most detested and loved friend, how you've missed them.

Quackity smacks Tommy upside the head who voices his complaints very colourfully, Smiling brightly like he didn't just do that. 

He claps his hands together "so! We've definitely all worked very hard today, I'm sure we're all tired! I certainly am outright fatigued! And would you look at that! The sun is setting! I think we can call today a grand old success!" He laughs awkwardly, looking at Tubbo for his input.

Tubbo nods "yeah I think I'm gonna turn in as well… it's… it's been a lot" he does sound exhausted.

Everyone chimes in in agreement, saying their farewells and parting ways.

You just stand there awkwardly. you don't really have anywhere to go, not that you're necessarily tired anyway, you could always go explore some more, maybe recover some of your memory on your own. 

Your Dad steps in front of you "you can stay with me for tonight if you would like Wilbur, you're always welcome" he places a hand on your shoulder, the pressure making you float down a bit, your feet touching the ground.

You smile "I would like that"

**Author's Note:**

> So that was interesting! I'm not the best at writing dialogue so I hope it turned out okay ^-^ I'm thinking of maybe continuing this o.o


End file.
